what the deuce?

funny story. so i was at my friend's apartment, hanging out. late night, my friend was on his phone talking to this girl he has been sort of bonin'. they talk and whatever, and she agrees to stop by. late night...visit...could mean only one thing...bootycall. ubaf approves. he does his hilarious 'half-baked' impression and chants, "i got some booty, i got some booty"...well done cleric. but no, it gets better...

so we start talking, giggling like little school girls..."where did you meet her?"..."oh i met her on the internet"..."we hit it a few times before"...blah blah blah....being all loud and shit.

a few minutes pass she calls saying she's outside. so my friend goes out to get her, and right when he opens the front door, he freezes. she was standing outside by the door in the hallway the whole time? we thought she was outside the building. this can't be good. they come in, everything seems cool, normal, kosher. a look of nervousness sweeps my friend's face...how long has she been out there? did she hear everything? small talk here, small talk there, she then decides to use the bathroom. 5 minutes roll by, she's still in there and we're thinking she's doing one of three things: 1. doing lines on the bathroom counter 2. dropping a duce, or 3. escaping...only, there is no window in that bathroom, so there was a 50/50 chance she was shitting up a storm...gggeeeeeewww.

finally she comes out, and claims she left her cell phone in her car. she leaves to go get it. it takes only a minute or so for 3 decently intelligent and educated men to figure out that she had her cell phone the whole time...how else could she have called from the hall way? booyakasha. she boned out. we still weren't 100% sure that she left for good...give us a break...we were half-baked. so we wait, 30, 40, 55 minutes goes by...she's definitely gone. my friend calls her, no answer. that shit was ricockulus...that's re-cock-you-lus, say it out loud

more rules kids...

1.) do not jeopordize your bootycall by making fun of the girl or the situation...she might be right outside your door. and if you do, keep it classroom voices, or in another room, anywhere but right by the door. or if you want, do it after you've porked her.

2.) if a girl calls you a couple times and she is right outside your door, that's fucking freaky anyway, the bitch is crazy. be prepared to use self-defense. can you defend yourself from a crazy lady with a knife?

3.) be aware of the poopy pants. if a girl drops a doozy in your beloved throne, you don't want to be touchin' that bitch anyway, throw her the fuck out.